Not always so little

When I first decided to start writing a blog my hope was to point out all the little things that can go without realizing in our daily lives, the things that make our days easier, our lives simpler, our time more valuable.  The little things that can sometimes make you stop and say “at least….”.  When I first set out to write a blog I was a mom of 2 toddlers, I was a mom of 2 toddlers who were home with me all day, I was a wife of someone that was healthy, that had a fairly decent job, I was worried about our future (as all moms are) but knew things would get better, that we would move to a better house, a better community, that our children would go great schools (this is where being a teacher and a mom sucks) there was hope. 

 Today I am a mom of 2 children who attend school (one part-time preschool, one full time first grade), I am a wife to a husband who never knows when a seizure will strike (despite being on medication),  I am trying to hold my world together while falling apart inside, we are in a new house that we prematurely thought was going to be a great move for us and turned out to be not so great, my children are in great schools with amazing teachers who love them, we like so many American’s are fighting a losing battle with the economy.

 As I sit typing this Mr. O is preparing to take a leave of absence from work again (code: go back to on TDI) to focus on his health, something I know he has to do but at the same time scaring the life out me, leaving me with more questions than answers, leaving me more stressed than reassured, leaving me more short tempered with my children than I ever wanted to be.  I’m not writing this down because I’m looking for sympathy, or looking for a shoulder to cry on, I’m writing this down because it is what is in my heart right now.

 Right now all of the little things have added up to one big thing, a big thing that is completely out of my control, a big thing that has me worried.  So for now instead of taking one day at a time I need to take one hour at a time and if that is too much than I will cut it down and take 15 minutes at a time. I will try to make sure my children aren’t aware of the craziness that is happening around them, make sure that they always come first, make sure that I try to find at least one little things each day to be thankful for.

 

The Little Things....Easier Said Than Done

I have not written a post in several months but that does not mean I am forgetting about all the little things, in fact I need to think of them now especially.  While my family managed to skate through the winter without anything more than the occasional cold or sniffles and zipped through spring without any major allergy attacks I was looking forward to a healthy and fun summer.  Well that all changed when my husband became ill around the end of May, and like most men (sorry for the generalization) he just ignored it and chalked it up to allergies, having 2 small children, work, the sky being blue and everything else he could think of.  On June 11th that all changed when he had to be rushed to the hospital, he was unable to stand up at work and was so dizzy unlike anything he had ever experienced.   He was in the hospital for our son's (H) 5th birthday, which was one of the hardest things I have ever had to explain to H, and why we had to cancel his party not once but twice. Fast forward two months he has spent a total of 2 weeks in 2 different hospitals where he endured countless tests culminating with a spinal tap.  He has also spent two weeks at a local rehabilitation facility to strengthen his muscles and learn how to walk again.  Up to this point no Dr. can figure out what is making him ill, he feels as though he is walking in a bouncy house (think children's birthday parties).  All the Dr's can tell us is what isn't wrong, no tumors or cancers, not ALS, Hodgkin's disease or Parkinson's disease, he does not have vertigo, or MS.  And while this should and does bring us comfort it also brings us fear and so many unanswered questions.  The fact that he does not have anything serious and it is probably just a virus should be my little thing for the rest of our lives....but it is not. 
During this time of hospitalizations and rehabilitation centers I was essentially a single parent, yes my husband (C) did talk to the children (H&Z) and they did go to visit him, but the everyday parenting was all me, everyday.  We did have help from some amazing friends and family members but it was still ALL ME!!!!!  The outpouring  of love and support we have received from friends of mine that have never met C, friends of family members, friends from across the country has been amazing and for that we are thankful. 
I have tried everyday to find the little things to be happy about or that make me smile and yes even laugh.  Some of them have included, the hospital having an Au Bon Pain in it, can you say chocolate croissant!!!!  The fact that several times while at the hospital I left so late at night that the gates were up and I did not have to pay for parking.  The fact that when we were at our breaking points the nurses at both hospitals that actually cared, offered a hug or even offered ice cream to me!!!!!  Now there have been small things too, the butterflies we saw daily, the funny texts that my girlfriends and family sent me, the smiles on my H&Z's face when C came home....both times.  Needless to say there has been tons of tears, lots of yelling, times of frustration and days when we didn't want to deal with this any longer, but something keeps us going perhaps it is the little things in life that really are the great things.....
For today my little thing is sitting on the kitchen table cooling in a bundt pan and waiting for a healthy dose of chocolate frosting!!!!!!