Pain Is Real

When it comes to things I know, I know a lot, I know the sun will rise, I know that my children will love me even when I have had a rough day, I know that my bestie will always make me laugh, and I know pain.  I am not referring to the pain you feel when your high school crush takes someone else to the prom or when a loved one passes away but rather the pain I’m referring to is actual physical pain. Whether it is from an injury, a chronic medical condition, or a physical deformity, pain is real.  Pain is also subjective.  What one person feels as nothing major may be the worst pain of someone’s life.  I live with chronic pain every day, all day.  I have a spine that is degenerating at a rapid rate, at 40 I have already been diagnosed (5 years ago) with osteoporosis, I also have an autoimmune disease that affects my joints and muscles, I have chronic migraines that leave me unable to get out of bed, and I have MS. 

I tell you this not to seek sympathy but to say that yes, pain is real, pain is subjective.  I take opioid medications, I get steroidal medications injected into my spine, I take anti-inflammatory medications, do acupuncture, yoga, try not to eat certain foods, I do all of this and still have pain.  For years Doctor’s did not believe that my pain was as severe as I said. and that I was just seeking pain medication.  I mean how could I have the type of pain I was describing and still be a mother, wife, teacher, friend….well I became good at faking it, at minimizing my own pain to suit other people’s needs.

One night I was in so much back pain that I actually considered taking my own life, I sat against a wall in my house with a bottle of pills and considered leaving my children motherless, making my husband a widow, ending my life because of the physical pain I was feeling….this was a turning point, this was the point when I decided I needed better care than I was receiving.   Not long after I went to the Dr and let it all out, I yelled, cried, made her see what the pain was doing to my life.  After this display of emotions, I quickly apologized and thankfully she accepted and understood.  Thankfully with her knowledge she was able to find a Dr who not only understood and saw the reasons I was in such awful pain, but agreed to take me on as a patient.  Has he taken all my pain away, no BUT he has helped me manage it and be able to be a mother to my children, and lead a semi productive life.  Again, I share these details not looking for sympathy but in an age where pain is highly overlooked as a way to get “high” from the medications I feel that those of us who suffer everyday need to raise awareness of the real pain epidemic in this world. 

As I sit writing this I am in the midst of a several day migraine episode, so awful at one point that it hurt to touch my forehead, yes I have regular medication I take when I feel a migraine coming on but after being on it for over 10+ years it no longer works as well.  Yes I did do all the “old wives tales” tricks to help it go away, everything from drinking a double espresso to wrapping my head in ice (I’ve become an expert at sleeping like this), I went to the ER and received narcotics to help break it up, everything I can think of.  Currently my Dr has me trying a new migraine medicine, and a 7 day pack of steroids to break up the migraine.  Along with caffeine and ice this seems to be helping not relieving but making me able to function somewhat. 

Again, I don’t want sympathy but I hope to help people understand that the pain epidemic is a legitimate issue, and to some, the use of pain medications, used responsibly, is a necessity.

  The pain medication abuse epidemic in America, as well as the high profile deaths of celebrities who were found to have accidentally overdosed on prescription painkillers has made it bad for people like me who are in real chronic pain, and need to use prescription strength painkillers to achieve some sort of relief from my constant pain.  Some may classify me as a pill addict, or having a pill addiction problem, but to that I say, I am not a pill addict, I am an addict of not living in pain and if a pill helps me with that then so be it.  If a certain medication that is classified as an opiate makes me able to be there for my children and my family I am fine with that.  These are medications I will most likely be on for the rest of my life, I have never in 5 years asked for an increase of dosage, never have asked for a refill sooner than was authorized, I take my medicine as prescribed, and if a day happens when I don’t need a dose or two that’s great, I can recognize that.  If a day happens to be especially painful for one reason or another I can recognize that and have adequate medicine available if I have to take extra; all of this I do for me, for my family.  I have never been in bed so “drugged” that I cannot tend to my children (with this current migraine episode excluded, and it wasn’t medications that prevented me from getting up, it was the pain from the migraine).  I get up every day, work, do as much as I physically can, yes most days I overdue it but what mom doesn’t. 

I still encounter people that don’t believe I am in real pain, that I can be a living, breathing person and be in as much pain as I claim, I’m done trying to convince them that again (my) pain is real and subjective.  I have people telling me to just push through the pain, and when I can I do, but I will not sacrifice my health to satisfy someone else’s perception of what I should be doing.  I know my body and what it is capable of, it was capable to carry two babies, it is capable of putting one foot in front of the other, it is capable of writing my stories to share, it is capable of so much but most days it is not capable of being in pain. Pain affects every part of your being, your mental health, your physical health, the relationship with your spouse and peers, and perhaps most importantly your children. 

I hope by sharing this part of my story I can help someone else, as with all my real life posts I share.  If you are in pain just know you don’t have to live a life in pain.  There are lots of homeopathic treatments, opiate treatments, alternative treatments you can seek out.  Don’t let anyone; whether it is a Dr, nurse, family member or stranger undermine how you feel, they aren’t you.  Their pain is different from yours, even if affects the same part of their body, pain is subjective and I encourage you to seek out a Dr who will help you lead a life where you can enjoy living.  I will always believe you, I understand you, I sympathize with you whether you are 15 or 75 you don’t have to live a life in pain be it chronic or episodic.

I recently told Mr.O that one of my fears is that when H&Z look back on their childhood they will only remember their mama as being in pain, not able to do stuff with them, not play as much as other moms do, or not run at the playground with them.  After 20 years together I love that he can reassure me by telling me that they will remember a mom who read to them, did crafts with them, who did as much as she possibly could to ensure they had a great childhood.  As long as they remember and I remember “The Little Things” I think we will be fine…..

This Isn't the Way it's Supposed to Be

I wrote this piece for an audition to participate in a local production of Listen To Your Mother (LTYM) which was created by Ann Imig and held annually across the country.  LTYM gives motherhood a microphone, giving people from all walks of life a chance to share their stories regarding the many different sides of motherhood.  My story wasn’t chosen for our local production of LTYM this year, but that’s ok, there is always next year and there are more stories for me to tell if I choose.  If this story helps even one mother in some way, then I feel it has done its job.

This piece has been writing itself for 7 years, 7 years before I even had the courage to share or the opportunity, or for it to be finished, only to realize it will never be finished.  I wrote this piece in my head and in my heart long before I ever touched a keypad.  It is real, it is truthful, it is a story…..my story and I am ready to tell it. 

“This Isn’t the Way It’s Supposed to Be”

“I’m pregnant” I said to my husband one early morning in September of 2008, from that moment on my life would be forever changed.  The moment the words left my lips I knew instinctively that the baby growing inside me was a girl.  From then on I knew what to expect, the nausea, the cravings for onions….but only from McDonalds and only on a cheeseburger, the swollen ankles, even the complications but what I didn’t know was that depression was also right around the corner.  I had a “normal” pregnancy with my son just the previous year, no signs of pregnancy depression or post-partum depression so I had no idea of the emotional rollercoaster that was heading my way.  For the first few weeks after we found out I was pregnant we just sat on this piece of information thinking it was just a dream that we would wake up from, or that maybe the home pregnancy test was wrong.  I mean how could it be right, weren’t we the same couple who had just been told by a fertility specialist that our chances of conceiving on our own were pretty close to zero? Weren’t we the same couple that endured shots and nasty hormone therapies just to have our son?

Slowly we began telling people of our news; I remember telling my best friend, sitting on my couch while my son played at our feet.  Immediately she sensed something wasn’t right, she sensed the lack of excitement in my words, she knew what was happening.  As we told more people I remember thinking “maybe now it will seem real”, only that never happened just as it still didn’t seem real at the ultrasound or when I first felt my baby move.  As the pregnancy progressed family and friends were getting more and more excited, and all I could think was “why am I not excited?”  I vividly remembered the way I felt when I was pregnant with my son, how happy I was; wasn’t that the way every pregnancy was supposed to be?  As the months continued zipping by and my belly continued to grow my feelings of disconnect for the baby girl I was carrying did also.  There was no excitement or happiness; instead there were growing feelings of sadness and despair.

I wasn’t able to share my feelings with anyone except my husband and my midwife.  The little bit I did share was greeted with a “oh you’ll be fine” or “don’t worry everything will be OK” even “just wait until you see her”; all I wanted was to say “FUCK can somebody, anybody justify my feelings, can’t anyone see I’m drowning here”?  This was not an enjoyable way to spend any amount of time, especially not during the 9 months of carrying an innocent baby.

At last, the day came, May 14 2009, a day I was dreading and looking forward to at the same time.  I was scheduled for a C-Section and hoped that everyone who had been reassuring me was right, that the minute I saw my baby girl all those feelings I had would disappear and be replaced by feelings of love and joy.  Instead, the first time I saw her over the curtain in the OR she spit up all over me….not quite the blissful moment I had been hoping for.  After an uneventful hospital stay and my husband being home for a week, I was alone.  Alone with her, (and my son) you see I was ok as long as there were other people around, people to do all the things I should’ve been doing.  Holding her, changing her diaper, snuggling her late at night, now it was all me.  Only thing was I had no desire to do those things, I mean how could I after all I didn’t even like her?  Still the whole time day in and day out I kept hoping these feelings would disappear, you know after the sleep deprivation wore off, or I got used to a new schedule, or heck even while nursing her…..all this time I was hoping that these feelings of drowning into this emotionless relationship would disappear, knowing that they weren’t “normal”.  Instead of magically disappearing I was the one who disappeared, becoming like a robot just going through the motions.

There were parties, and meeting friends, holidays and family dinners, conversations and silence and through all of these nobody could hear me crying out “HELP”.  People would say “oh she’s so cute” or “how is she sleeping” all the familiar nice things that are always said when a baby is born.  All I wanted was someone to say “how are you” and the courage to answer them honestly.  That moment never came, so instead I continued to “fake it until you make it”, all of the smiles, the happiness, the jokes…all faked, which can be quite tiring on an already sleep deprived depressed mother.  This manner of faking it continued, and continued, yes there were occasional moments when I could let my guard down and say how I was really feeling, what was really going on but they were few and far between. 

With every passing milestone, every fleeting day, I would hope this would be the one thing that would snap me out of this funk.  Yes, there were counseling efforts made but when it came time to decide to pay my counseling copay or buy my baby the specialized formula she now needed I paid for the formula.  As the days passed there were moments I could see the old Michele returning, the Michele who cared about other people, and the Michele that felt pretty after a haircut.  It’s hard to say when exactly these feelings left, or if they really have just turned into feelings of acceptance.  Acceptance that she is my daughter, she is stubborn, hard headed, loving and helpful.  She is smart and loves her family, she likes to dance and cuddle, she is just like me. 

The thing I remember hearing during this time was “how can you not love her”, “how can you not see her as your daughter”, as if I could control it or caused it.  The one thing I do not remember hearing was “it is OK not to love your children the same exact way” or “you are going to feel overwhelmed” or even the truth “depression is a chemical imbalance, lets help you”. 

There is so much more to my story, so many more feelings, so many more details that I haven't revealed yet.  There are days when I think I beat postpartum depression, that I am a Warrior Mom, and there are days I find myself reliving all those emotions and feeling guilty, days when I think I haven't beat this but rather it has just become part of who I am.  Recently (2016) someone, a family member blamed me for causing my postpartum depression and said "you wanted children so badly", as if I had a choice in how I felt in the months and years after my daughters birth.  The pain and the guilt may never go away, but I will fight until my last breathe for my daughter and to resolve the feelings I felt and the depression I feel everyday as a result of her pregnancy and birth, that I promise

On June 18, I will be participating in a local Climb Out of the Darkness  to support Postpartum Progress and raise awareness of post-partum depression.  This post and this walk are the first time I have talked about and acknowledged my struggles with both my pregnancy depression and subsequent postpartum depression publicly.  I hope that someday these subjects won’t be hushed and “brushed under the rug” or have such a negative taboo around them, but rather spoken about in a healthy way.  I hope that this post helps make a difference to even just one mother, or anyone who know someone that may be suffering in silence.  Please consider clicking on the above link and making a donation to help spread the awareness of postpartum depression.

Edit: This post was edited to reflect the 2016 climb and appropriate links

BrickFair is coming to Boston!!

That's right, you read correctly BrickFair is coming to Boston!! On May 21 & 22 BrickFair will be at the Royal Plaza Trade Center in Marlboro, MA. There is no age limit for this event just like the is no age limit for those who enjoy building with Lego's.  Strollers are bot allowed at this event but wearing of comfortable shoes is strongly encouraged!! 

BrickFair is held a few times a year in various parts of the country.  All the models are built by Lego fans and Lego paraphernalia will be for sale at these events.  My children love building and creating  with Lego blocks (and the grown-ups too).  This event is not to be missed by any Lego lover of any age!! This event will be sure to elevate your parental status to SUPER PARENT!!!

I have 2 codes which will get you and 3 people in to BrickFair on May 21 or 22, to enter head over to The Little Things Facebook page and tell me how your family use Lego's to build and create!!!






I received 4 tickets to BrickFair for promoting this event on my blog, all opinions are my own

The Corner Bakery Cafe...not your Grandmother's Cafe!!!!!

 

 

When you hear the word bakery what comes to mind?  Cupcakes, brownies, cookies…..what about the word café?  Maybe some lite sandwiches, a few seasonal soups and that is all…..Well, not at the Corner Bakery Cafe, this is not your grandmothers bakery OR café!!!!  Recently I was invited along with a few blogger friends to visit a new Corner Bakery Café in Middletown, RI (right near Newport, RI) for a sampling of several menu choices.  Upon entering the Corner Bakery and Café I noticed how bright and airy the Café was, with plenty of seating you and your bestie could certainly catch up or they could accommodate that company luncheon you have been meaning to schedule!!!!  After hearing a little about their philosophy and their commitment to fresh and tasty food our sampling began!!!!!

                                                                     They can cater your next event too!!!!

Who doesn’t like breakfast for dinner occasionally?  At Corner Bakery Café you can order breakfast at any time of the day, not just during normal breakfast hours!!!!  The pancakes that were served to us were so lite and fluffy, not to mention they melted in your mouth!!!!  Oh, did I mention that they are served with bacon also?? The children in your life would love an order of their chocolate chip pancakes I’m sure??

 

Once we were done with our breakfast next came some lunch!!! We were given what is known as “The Trio”, a smaller portion of three favorite menu items.  Ours had the DC Chicken Salad, Lemon Orzo Soup, and Quinoa Tabbouleh.  The chicken salad was perfectly dressed, and tasted fresh and lite with just the right amount of crunch.  Lemon Orzo Soup was refreshing, tasty and filled with not only chicken but fresh vegetables, it quickly went on my list of items to order the next time I visit.  It was not over yet, we were also given the Spicy Asian Pork sandwich to taste, as taste we did.  I could taste the freshness of the vegetables, the crunch of the “slaw”, and the softness of the bread…well the bread alone could have sustained me for days.

 

By the time our “dinner” was served I was beginning to get full!!! But once I saw the Pesto Chicken Cavatappi I quickly decided I had enough room!!!! As a pesto fan I love the chance to taste anything that has pesto as an ingredient.  This dish didn’t let me down, the pesto taste was not overwhelming the way some pesto can be, it was very lite tasting and the creaminess of the dish blended perfectly with the pasta, think of it as an adult version of macaroni and cheese.  The pieces of chicken were plenty and cooked perfectly in order to hold the creamy pesto sauce.

So, are you hungry yet?  You are probably thinking “what about the bakery”?  Well, they did not let us leave without taking a few of their yummy cupcakes to share with our families and judging by the reaction from my children they were as tasty as they looked (I think I had a small taste).  There are currently a few of these restaurants across the state with more planned as the year goes on, but this location in Middletown is certainly a nice family alternative to the hustle and bustle of Newport. 

Did I mention that they gave me a gift card for a giveaway to a lucky reader so you can sample some of the delicious food that Corner Bakery Café serves anytime of the day!!!  All you have to do is leave a comment about what your favorite breakfast food is and 1 winner will be randomly chosen on August 7, 2015!!!!!

A Photo Session for Me

Having a neighbor who is a professional photographer has its advantages. Like when she wants to practice some new techniques and asks you to be her model, this is exactly what happened on a recent evening.  Stephanie is the owner of StarLight Photography which is based in North Kingstown, RI. She specializes in weddings, but also does a variety of photography including family portraits, children’s photo sessions and glamovers.  She is very professional and will offer you different suggestions so that your photo session goes smoothly and the pictures come out beautifully. 

On the particular evening she photographed me she did what I called a “mini glamover”.  She did my hair and makeup in such a way that made me still look like me, just fancier.  I wore my own clothes so I was comfortable and natural looking.  Stephanie photographed me outside as the sun was setting, which gave my pictures a glow and look that I like.  Now for the actual pictures, I will let them speak for themselves….

 

                                          This is one of my favorite pictures, I love the way
                                          the sun is just setting, and gives off the glow that I
                                          mentioned earlier.

 

                                        I love photographs taken by the water.  All of the photos

                                        in this post were taken right outside of a residential
                                        community in North Kingstown, RI.

Happy Birthday Zoe!!!!

As I sit writing this I have a five year old, when it is published I will have a six year old….six how can it be?  Wasn’t it just yesterday I was waking my husband up at five in the morning to tell him I was pregnant, wasn’t it just yesterday I was figuring out my due date, making sure it want going to be the same as my first born?  On May, 14 2009 at 12:56 we went from a family of three to a family of four.  We went from having one car seat to two, from a single stroller to a double, from one crib to two all this happened six years ago.  From the moment I found out I was pregnant I knew I was having a girl, I knew her name was going to be Zoe Elizabeth, that is until Mr. O suggested we change her middle name to Laura after my grandmother.  This change made her the fourth generation to carry the name Laura in my family, the initial “L” was also after my recently deceased grandfather, and his middle name was Leo.

Wasn’t it just yesterday that we decided to take both children on vacation when she was just 3 months old, or that we were fighting with our then pediatrician to get to the bottom of her constant crying and belly troubles?  That first year was tough; we were struggling to find our new dynamic, struggling to afford the new formula our daughter had to be on because of her milk allergy, struggling through my postpartum depression.  That first year went by too fast, and the subsequent years have gone even faster!!!

The past six years have been filled with laughter and tears, achievements and disappointments, love and loss, struggles and achievements.  There have been vacations, dance classes, fights over clothes, painted nails and skinned knees.  Zoe can dress the part of a dainty little girl, but don’t let that fool you; she is a child who knows what she wants and will argue a point with you until she is blue in the face…..reminds me of someone else I know.  She loves to dance and twirl, but she will also climb on top of a rock like all the boys do, she will ask for me to paint her nails and then go dig for worms in the mud with her dad.  She has gone from a child who didn’t care for books as a toddler to a child who will “read” to herself or her dolls.  Often times you can hear her before you ever see her, she will notice every car that drives by or when the neighbor walks their dog which has earned her the title of “Mayor” in our little neighborhood.  Everyone wants to be her friend, but she will only play with a few children that she chooses.

She is the reason I have more gray hairs, more laugh lines, and more silliness in my life.  Recently she has begun calling me princess as in “Let’s go princess it’s time for ballet” when asked who the queen is she says “me of course”.  She can bring a room of adults howling with laughter, which has prompted her own hashtag #thingszoesays that I started as a way to keep others laughing along with us.  Often times I will preface a statement regarding something she has said or done with the phrase “I couldn’t make this up if I tried” and it’s true.  Recently when she realized that her brother keeps a magazine or books that he is reading under his pillow she began doing the same thing only she keeps a book, crayons, paper dolls, and even a pair of children’s scissors amongst other things.  Every day as her mother is an adventure.

I don’t know what the future holds for her or me, or anyone for that fact but I do know that whatever she decides to do with her life she will ROCK at it.  Zoe has an unbelievable spirit that makes her who she is, she is the best of everything Mr. O and I possess in us.  So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZOE, as I said on Facebook yesterday, the world is yours go out and get it!!! xoxo Mama

 

                                                                        May 14, 2009

                                                                    May 2012

May 14, 2015

The Legacy of an Angel

I want to share a love story with you, not a love of story of adults but rather of a mother and her child.  In January of 2011 a dear friend of mine and her husband were anxiously awaiting the birth of their daughter who would be named Sofia, Sofie for a nickname.  In the early morning hours of January 26^th Sofie was born, and what was supposed to be the happiest moment of their lives quickly turned into the most frightful.  Sofie was born with a traumatic brain injury, and many measures were taken to save her life, but unfortunately on February 15^th 2011 Sofie gained her angel wings.  Soon after Sofie was born her mother Lori shared her life with many people through Facebook and quickly a community of people from all over the world came together praying, wishing, and hoping for the miracle that Lori, her husband Mike and Sofie needed.  Through her birth many people formed friendships, reconnected with old friends and joined together with the community of people who wanted nothing but a miracle for this family.

After Sofie’s death her parents created Team Sofie Chapter 2 as a way to keep Sofie legacy of love alive.  I have been a proud member of Team Sofie since it began, helping to share the life,love and story of not only this little girl but also of her amazing family.  This year to honor what should have been Sofie’s 3^rd birthday her parents have launched the "Find the Love" Project, the 21 day photo project will encourage all participants to take a moment each day focus and find the love that is all around.  Will you help spread Sofie’s message of love?

Not always so little

When I first decided to start writing a blog my hope was to point out all the little things that can go without realizing in our daily lives, the things that make our days easier, our lives simpler, our time more valuable.  The little things that can sometimes make you stop and say “at least….”.  When I first set out to write a blog I was a mom of 2 toddlers, I was a mom of 2 toddlers who were home with me all day, I was a wife of someone that was healthy, that had a fairly decent job, I was worried about our future (as all moms are) but knew things would get better, that we would move to a better house, a better community, that our children would go great schools (this is where being a teacher and a mom sucks) there was hope. 

 Today I am a mom of 2 children who attend school (one part-time preschool, one full time first grade), I am a wife to a husband who never knows when a seizure will strike (despite being on medication),  I am trying to hold my world together while falling apart inside, we are in a new house that we prematurely thought was going to be a great move for us and turned out to be not so great, my children are in great schools with amazing teachers who love them, we like so many American’s are fighting a losing battle with the economy.

 As I sit typing this Mr. O is preparing to take a leave of absence from work again (code: go back to on TDI) to focus on his health, something I know he has to do but at the same time scaring the life out me, leaving me with more questions than answers, leaving me more stressed than reassured, leaving me more short tempered with my children than I ever wanted to be.  I’m not writing this down because I’m looking for sympathy, or looking for a shoulder to cry on, I’m writing this down because it is what is in my heart right now.

 Right now all of the little things have added up to one big thing, a big thing that is completely out of my control, a big thing that has me worried.  So for now instead of taking one day at a time I need to take one hour at a time and if that is too much than I will cut it down and take 15 minutes at a time. I will try to make sure my children aren’t aware of the craziness that is happening around them, make sure that they always come first, make sure that I try to find at least one little things each day to be thankful for.

 

Thankful Thursday......

 

 

 

Today I had planned on linking up with another blog Baby Gators Den to take part in their Thankful Thursday blog post, but they are taking a blogging break for the summer.  This is the first Thankful Thursday post I have done, not that I haven’t had anything to be thankful for but rather the time to compile a list.  So without further ado:

                Today would have been my grandfather’s 87^th birthday, and I am thankful that I was fortunate enough to have him in my life for 32 years.  I am even more thankful that he got to meet his first great-grandchild while he was still here.

                I am thankful to have the knowledge that allowed Mr. O and me to make an educated decision as to which school we were going to send H.  And for the friends who listened to me hem and haw over said decision.

                Now that we are moving I’m happy that Mr. O has a job where getting empty boxes to pack in will not be a problem.

                Air conditioning in both the car and our house……enough said!!!!!!

                That we took the scenic route home one morning from our Sunday morning donut run to Allie's Donuts which led to us finding our new home.

                That my 85 year old paternal grandfather is still able to not only drive back and forth from his home in Florida but that he is able to be here to enjoy H&Z.  To see them together truly is something to be thankful for……

                                                  H & Z out for breakfast with Great Grandpa C     

 

What are you thankful for this week?  It doesn’t matter how big or small it is, after all life is all about The Little Things……..

 

 

Well Being Wednesday

                                           

Happy Well Being Wednesday!!!!  I am happy to finally report that the scale is not broken; it is not permanently going to display the same 3 numbers forever.  How do I know this for sure?? Because it finally moved….and in the direction I prefer, down.  Last week was not a weigh-in week for me, but I was curious, was there a weight loss, even a small change and I was astounded to see that there was.  Without further ado, let’s get to the stats:

                                                 6/18… 138.5

                                                 7/10…135.5

That’s 3 whole pounds.  I’m not going to claim that I have been eating an only organic diet, or working out for 45 minutes every day or even drinking plenty of water, because I haven’t.  While I have been more aware of what I am putting in my body, and aware of how frequently I have or haven’t been exercising the only thing I can attribute the loss to is a combination of doing the right things for my body.  Was this the jump start I needed?  I hope so; I hope that in 2 weeks there is even more of a weight loss.  I have also begun to see some minor tone and definition in certain areas of my body, I haven’t been as tired lately (granted with 2 children, that’s a relative statement), I have had more energy.  By nature I am very resistant to change, don’t like it and never have.  Perhaps my body is the same way; it just needed some time to realize that there is no other way besides to do things the healthy way???

Now this week is a special week, it is Mr. O’s birthday tomorrow and we are celebrating both tonight and tomorrow night.  Being that it is his birthday he gets to choose the dinner for tonight (yes, 2 separate dinners…..got to love divorced parents).  For tonight he has chosen a local Italian restaurant.  A favorite of ours, were everything is homemade and you don’t mind waiting an hour for your dinner to arrive.  H & Z helped me to make a cake this morning and we are all looking forward to a yummy dinner and dessert, but I am also looking forward to the leftovers I get to have for lunch tomorrow!!!!!

Now this next part of WBW was one of those moments I could have slapped myself in the forehead for not thinking of earlier.  Many friends and members of PIM have often said they would consider working out in the morning, but not me.  How could I with the children underfoot? Well this morning I woke up and it hit me, DUH after breakfast and a few housekeeping tasks I could put them in a different room with a video and give myself however long I needed…..EUREKA!!!!! Why hadn’t I thought of this sooner?  It worked out so much better than waiting until their rest time in the late afternoon.  I am going to stick with this plan as often as our schedule allows, which should be pretty often. 

What fitness challenges have you faced?  What would be your perfect workout routine?  The same exercise videos or classes every day, or do you vary what you do?

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Happy Friday!!!!

I hope everyone has had a good week, I thought I would end the week with a post about some of my "Little Things" that I've recently experienced, seen or heard. 

I love clean sheets, the feeling if getting into bed with fresh, clean sheets that have been all tucked in is a good way to end any day!!! 

Greek yogurt, YUM!!! I have always loved yogurt, but during my pregnancy with Z I suddenly became turned off, like could not even get a spoon in my mouth. Thankfully that is no longer a problem since discovering Greek yogurt!!! Mix that yogurt with 2 teaspoons of granola and that's breakfast or a midday snack. And the fact that I declare those little cups of protein filled goodness all mine is an added bonus. 

Yoga!!!! Oh yoga how I have missed you!!! After taking a series of classes several years ago I fell in live with this form of exercise. I've looked for, thought about, bought videos all with the intention of starting to do yoga again. I am happy to report that I have begun using the videos I bought, and yep I still love it!!!

This last thing little thing is purely silly but for me it's my little thing, my one thing that helped me one day this week. After slowly changing over my clothes from winter to summer, I begun the dreaded task of now switching from cold weather shoes to summer shoes. Hot damn, wasn't I shocked that when I began to pull out all my flip flops (and I have lots) they all had a match!!!! Now if there had been a shoe without its mate it would have driven me crazy, but nope they all had a mate!!!  Now if Mother Nature would cooperate this upcoming weekend my toes would appreciate it.

I know these things may seem silly or trivial but like the name of this blog "The Little Things" are sometimes what help get you through the big things and many times we forget about "the little things" that may make us happy or our life easier...

WBW - 5/22/13

Happy Wednesday!!!! Here in the Northeast the humidity has settled in for the immediate future, which is not conducive to really anything except consuming more water - which is never a bad thing. It is important to remember to not over-do it, take breaks if you are exerting yourself, even save that workout until later in the day when the sun has gone down. 

This week is not a weigh-in week for me, but that being said I'm sure that if it were the same 3 numbers would pop up on the scale display. I have taken some small steps over the past week to improve not only my health but the health of my family as well.  Mr O and I had a big talk the other night over all the articles that I have been reading about processed foods and certain health ailments, and how we still have time to change our eating habits and those of H&Z, whom we have always payed particular concern to what they are consuming. We have decided to start eating in a more clean and organic way, having only 1 income we will be looking to make this change over time and not do a radical change all at once. 

During yesterday's shopping trip I was able to buy some organic fruit, organic cereal, organic oatmeal and even an organic treat for H&Z.  Luckily my local Stop and Shop is stocked with a very nice selection of both organic and traditional foods, also we are very fortunate to have a Trader Joes and Whole Foods within a couple miles of our home. While we were on a recent trip to BJ's we were able to see their selection of bulk organic items and our local SAM's club (where we belong) is re-opening soon and I will definitely be checking out their inventory of organic and clean items. 

I have also ordered a couple of workout DVD's all with a focus on beginner exercises. 2 of the 3 have different workout options, including 10 minute, 20 minute or 1 hour options and routines. All of the reading I have done says it is better to do a 10 minute routine and gradually build up to longer exercise times, so these DVD's are prefect for me, also with 2 little ones underfoot working out carries its own dangers and time constraints!!!!  I had been doing some longer routines but found myself unable to complete them, so I would definitely rather do 10 minutes comfortably than 45 minutes strenuously. 

The workouts I ordered are a beginners cardio, beginners yoga, and a ballet workout.  I have done the cardio video and I like it, and look forward to doing the yoga one later today. Combined with walks, and maybe even a few random exercises during the day I will get healthy. 

With time and patience my physical and emotional health will meet and everything will come into focus, I've got nothing but time. What have you changed this week?  What will you be eating differently based on the information coming out regarding chemically altered foods? I'm including a photo I found on the Internet showing which fruits and veggies are called "The Dirty Dozen". 

Also follow along with our journey at perfectlyimperfectmamas.com also on Facebook and Twitter!!! 

Well Being Wednesday 5/15

Well Being Wednesday!!!!  Today was supposed to be a weigh in day for me, but a poor nights sleep and a hurried morning caused me to forget.  Hopefully tomorrow morning will not be as hurried and I will remember, although I am sure the scale will display the same 3 numbers.....

This week I am sharing the post I wrote last week for the website www.perfectlyimperfectmamas.com

I am hoping to reach some new readers who are also starting to find themselves again.. 

On June 15, 2007 at 11:46 my life changed forever, that was the moment my first born graced is with his prescience and made me a Mama. In the six years since I have had another child, (a daughter this time) lost both my grandparents to cancer, dealt with post Partum depression, got news that I have an incurable (but manageable) brain disease, my husbands own medical problems, and so on and so forth. Why am I sharing this information with you, because I want to say that the one person I haven't taken care of is ME!!!!!!! I have had routine health care, tests and such but nothing to really focus on the one part of me that needs help. 

I have been focusing on everything and everyone else, except for me. I have helped family and friends, take care of my children, I have managed schedules and schlepped to appointments. As my husband says "she keeps the boat afloat", and he's right but I also need to keep myself afloat and right now I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in a sea of emotions, in a sea of fear, in a sea of not being accepted. You might be asking "why is she fearing not being accepted"??? Well that's easy I am a people pleaser, always have been. It is important for me to feel accepted by my peers and family both personally and professionally. Why, I don't know. I have often said why would anybody not like me. I'm helpful, honest, caring, heck I'd give you the shirt off my back or my last dollar if you needed it but you know one thing I've learned after 37 years is that everyone isn't that way, and yes it upsets me and I need to learn how to deal with that fact. 

Someone said to me recently "I would have never guessed you have so much emotional baggage, you are always happy". That's me too, always "faking it until I make it", which is a lot harder than it seems. The truth is I'm not happy. Let me clarify, I'm a happy person who has gotten good at hiding her emotions very well, I am always worried about other people's happiness and not my own. I don't know how to be truly happy with myself anymore. All of this has lead me to the decision to start finding me, finding the happy person I used to be, to deal with the leftover post Partum depression I'm still fighting, to deal with not saying goodbye to my grandparents, to deal with my illness, all of which will help me be a better Mama to my children. I have been fortunate enough to meet a therapist that I like, that I can cry with, that I trust, that I just clicked with. And I am ready to take this journey, whatever it leads to, or wherever it leads me, I'm ready. 

In January of this year when Michele C asked if I wanted to join another friend of ours in accomplishing the goal of getting healthy I said "sure", never thinking I would be focusing more on my mental/emotional health than my physical health. Yes, I am exercising more, paying more attention to what I am eating, drinking more water but right now the most important thing is for me to get my emotional health in order. To get these weights off my shoulders and I have a feeling once I do that I will a lot lighter and my physical health will come more into focus. 

Well Being Wednesday

It looks like spring has finally arrived (for now) here in the Northeast!!! Well, here we are it's Wednesday again time to share the success and failures of the past week also, it is the day that I share this week's weigh - in.  Since I have chosen to only weigh in every other week here you go
                                       4/9/13 - 136.00
                                       4/24/13 - 138.0
That is an increase of 2 lbs since last weighing in, all of which I am sure could be explained by water retention...so fun being a girl. 

I have been trying to continue to make healthy choices not only for myself but for my family.  I had one day recently where the candy/snack drawer and I got reintroduced, leftover Easter candy, cookies, gum, etc... and at the end of the day I felt so awful.  Not awful in my mind or guilty for eating it but in my body.  I felt bloated and disgusting, no desire to even eat the dinner I prepared for my family, I did not like feeling like that.  I was doing so well, realizing that a piece of candy or a cookie was all it took to curb my sweet tooth, I don't know what happened that day but I own it.

I have been trying to get on an actual schedule for exercising, emphasis on trying but its not as easy as I thought.  I have been squeezing in exercising when ever I can, even if it is 10 lunges at a time or 15 wall push-ups, it is something.  Recently while using a container of peanut butter (in lieu of weights) my son H came in the room and began laughing, and I don not blame him I'm sure it looked funny but after a chuckle or two he began imitating what I was doing.  My daughter often asks me if we can do yoga, and by them seeing me exercise they are learning a valuable lesson at a young age. A similar thing happened after lunch the other day, I had made a plate of various raw veggies to nibble on and immediately after seeing mine they each asked for a plate of their own, and began munching away.  We have always had a wide assortment of healthy snacks available to them, fruits, veggies, air popped popcorn, organic crackers and the like but seeing they were role modeling my behavior made me again realize how important it is for us to set good examples for the next generation.  Now if I had come in the living room with a cookie or a piece of candy there is no doubt that they would have wanted that, but nope they chose the veggies just like I had.

So share your ups and downs this week by linking up with me at Perfectly Imperfect Mama's and tell us what tips and tricks you have for healthy eating. 

Well Being Wednesday

As I write this Well Being Wednesday post my heart is aching for a city that is 45 minutes north of me, for the people who epitomize the phrase "Well Being", the racers of the Boston Marathon and the people of Boston. Marathon Monday is one of the most highly anticipated sporting events in New England and the world, I can't think of any other day besides Red Sox opening day at Fenway that says "spring has arrived". People come from all over the world, each with their own stories of why they are competing, whether it be for purely competitive reasons, to celebrate a dramatic weight loss, or to raise awareness of an organization or cause. These are all great reasons to celebrate, only someone from somewhere who believes whatever tried to take the celebration away from those running, those who were watching family and friends do something amazing, away from all of us runners or not. Forever changing not only an amazing city but changing many people's lives forever.

As someone who has visited this city several times (it's 45 minutes away), has a discussion at least twice a year about moving there, craves the thrill of Fenway Park, the smells, the people, the history, I will never look at Copley Square, Boylston St or the history the same way again...but now that history has forever been changed. Bostonians are tough people, strong people and most importantly resilient people, as a city they will be ok but as individuals they are forever changed.

Personally I love watching coverage of Marathon Monday, I love to see those runners pushing with every ounce of their bodies just to cross the finish line, and I am inspired to be healthier, to be a better person, to just do it. Heck if these people can run 26.2 miles in any weather I can surely do 10 crunches or squats in the comfort of my home. I admire those runners, the folks who are doing something amazing regardless of their abilities.

This is not the original WBW post I had envisioned just like crossing the finish line the way some did wasn't what they envisioned. I was going to talk about my birthday splurge of ice cream cake, how I avoided soda at a party this weekend, how I completed an actual cardio workout yesterday.....not professing my love for Boston. The meaning of WBW is both physical well being and emotional well being, and I guess my emotional well being is what needed to be shared this week.

I will be linking up with other bloggers over at our new project perfectlyimperfectmamas.com. Please head over to see our progress and like our FB and Twitter pages.