T minus 10 hours, that is all I have left as a 36 year old. Tomorrow marks my 37th birthday (I am writing this on April 10) and it got me thinking about this past year and all I wanted to accomplish and hoped to do. I had hoped to take a vacation, didn't do that; had thought I would have my own car by now, nope; so desperately hoped we would have bought a house and be out of our too small apartment, negative...see where I am going with this? Now before you say "this is all that went wrong", I am going to say no thats not all, those are just the things that popped into my mind at this moment. There's a heck of a lot of other things that I could mention, like Mr.O being in and out of the hospital all summer, the unexpected change to our income that we are still trying to recover from, the fact that maybe I wasn't meant to homeschool....see there are other things I could say. I wish there had been more good things that stood out in my mind about this past year, more trips to the ice cream shop, more rides to the shore, more laughs and less tears. All in all 36 could have been a better year, while I am grateful that I have 2 healthy children, that we have a place to call home and we can put food on our table it has been a rough year.
This week started off amazingly well (see post entitled "How I spent my Saturday night") it gave me hope that 36 was going to end on a high note, but alas it didn't. Over the past several years Mr O and I have had a rough go of it, between illnesses, money problems, car accidents, PPD, among various other situations, and I said to a friend today "seriously, can we just get a bit of a break"?? To which she answered "As I sit here listening to you, I am asking myself why does life give some people so much to handle"? I've often wondered the same thing...if wisdom comes with age then why can't I figure it out?? Why does life, karma, the universe give some people everything at once?? As the conversation went on I was reminded that I have a wonderful group of friends, whom without them to lean on I would be nothing. I have a supportive husband who always listens to my ranting and raving, bitching and crying, laughing and giggling and most importantly supports every decision I make.
So I think I've decided that I am going to face 37 without any expectations, without expecting to go on vacations or getting a new car. Without hoping to move or that all our problems are going to miraculously get better, that all matters concerning finances will disappear. Instead I am going to expect and assume nothing. Negative you may say, not really. I can think about where and what I would like to have happen in the next year, but not set my heart on it as I've done in years past, the disappointment is not worth it. So here's to 37, may it be a year filled with happy days and peaceful nights, a year filled with laughter and love, a year of good times with even better people....and if not I will handle it the best way I know how, lean on my friends, wipe my tears, maybe sulk for a few days then I will pick myself up and look forward to the next day!!!!!